Another one...

Another one...
My friend works with people with severe mental problems (he's a nurse but I forget his proper title thing), when he was doing his training he spent a lot of time with care in the community people.
One day he turned up to meet his mentor and was told that they were going to the house of a social recluse with the 'Void' squad. Long story short, this guy had endless mental and social problems and had basically shut himself away in his house for a very long time - to the point that the council had contacted the 'void' squad and the social services.
My friend was told that the 'void' squad go into houses that pose a bio hazard and decontaminate, fumigate etc. So big radioactive suits. My friend and his mentor were there with the relative authorities to section the man into care.
Well.... apparently this man had a debilitating fear of flushing the toilet so as you can guess had been crapping and pissing in his toilet for a long long time.... When the Void squad entered the bathroom they were greeted with the sight of a toilet filled past the seat with shit. it was bulging out of the top of the toilet and caked on the sides, and because it was summer it had hardened to a crust.
Apparently the smell alone K'od one of the void squad and rest set about the task of removing the crap.... My friend recalls that not long after all of the void squad guys came rushing out the front door to tell him that when the crust had been broken a big fucking cloud of flies had come spilling out and into their faces! How is that for fucking disgusting????!

Obsessions

Obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mum , Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us."

Pearls of Corporate Stupidity

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

The Cup Of Tea (as told by a lady)

The Cup Of Tea (as told by a lady)

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'